A Kinder Thanksgiving: Letting Go of Pressure and Finding What Nourishes You

Thanksgiving is upon us. Is that the good news or the bad news? Or maybe both! Thanksgiving is a
time for celebration, connecting with loved ones, and eating. But it can also be a difficult time. These
holiday tables for many of us are filled with ghosts of the past and memories and sadness of loved
ones we have lost… and when no one is talking about how much they miss these people it creates
more loneliness and disconnection. Many people are anxious about seeing family or spending
Thanksgiving Day alone.

Here are other struggles people have at this time: Thanksgiving Day is the day we are all given
permission to feast. However, that is tricky for most people. If we don’t listen to our body’s cues –
eating when we are hungry and stopping when we’re full, we wind up leaving the table feeling
stuffed. Even though society gives us permission to indulge during the holidays, we will feel
uncomfortable and unhappy that evening and probably the next morning. Many people are
overeating to try and fill the lack of meaningful conversation and connection with family.
Disappointment about feeling that Thanksgiving is not as joyous as we wish often leaves us feeling empty or sad as well as bringing up old feelings of anger, deprivation and ambivalence about our
families.

Often, the hardest part of Thanksgiving can be the day after. Even if you have not eaten too much
the night before, the leftovers may be calling loudly- sweet and mashed potatoes, stuffing, apple
pie and other desserts often turn into binge foods. The Friday after the holiday and the Sunday
before coming back to work on Monday may cause us to feel vulnerable and prone to
bingeing. Here’s why: We know that forbidden food is often the sweetest because most of us judge
ourselves and deprive ourselves of these foods most of the time. We gobble up food in large
amounts when we think no one is looking. We also overeat Thanksgiving weekend because we may
be alone and feel lonely, spend a lot of time with spouses and children, that often leads to conflict
and before we know it, it’s time to go back to work and the pressure involved in finishing up the
calendar year.

However, this does not have to be your fate! Thanksgiving is a holiday about gratitude, and we know
that gratitude is of the most powerful antidepressants we have. The old exercise that is very
comforting to practice every day all year is to think of three things to be grateful for that day, even
when we are feeing depressed and victimized. This includes simple things like the ability to get out
of bed, see the world or notice a child’s laughter. Although it’s great to rest on these long
weekends, we are also entitled to indulge in self-care such as massages, facials and personal
training sessions.

Having survived this holiday and visits with our families, we are also entitled to treat ourselves to
something special like a Broadway play, comedy show, concerts or the movie we have been eager to
see. Having plans for things we look forward to will elevate our mood. Activities and people that
nourish us can fill us up. We are then more likely to eat respecting our body’s rhythms and be more
fulfilled than with emotional eating. Binging, purging or excessive restricting only makes us feel guilty
and lowers our self-esteem.
Whether you’re spending Thanksgiving relaxing at home, visiting family or friends or creating new
traditions on your own, try to release unrealistic expectations. Celebrate in whatever way feels
meaningful to you. And remember, caring for yourself is not selfish—it’s essential.
If you would like to create more support for yourself, reaching out to a therapist can be a healing
action.

Joanne Gerr, LCSW
JoanneGD@gmail.com
212-750-8130 or 732-247-5112
Text: 917-301-5244
NY-NJeatingdisordertherapy.com
Offices: Midtown Manhattan, Central NJ, and Virtual