As Passover approaches, it may seem difficult to celebrate deliverance from slavery — as many of us are feeling anything but free right now. Whether we are in self-quarantine or simply practicing social distancing, it can feel like bondage. However, there is another kind of bondage that we can control — bondage to fear and negative thinking.
It is absolutely essential to take precautions, follow protocols, and stay aware of current circumstances. Yet, if we spend too much time watching the news, talking about the situation, researching the latest statistics, and ruminating about what may happen, we can become unable function. The challenge is how to be vigilant and responsible without falling into negativity and depression.
It is possible to avoid becoming a slave to our own fears, but it requires a commitment to self-reflection and deliberate action.
First, it is important to examine the lens through which we view the world. The history of Jewish oppression has created a sense of dis-ease for many of us. Way before the threat of the coronavirus, our people have been on edge, waiting for impending disaster. This mindset is not unreasonable, given our history and the recent resurgence of anti-Semitism. Having said that, many of us have been brought up to believe that the world is unsafe, and catastrophe is likely at any moment. This is especially true for those of us who are children of Holocaust survivors or whose relatives were survivors.
While this fear may be valid in some cases, it is not empowering. An alternative is to step back and reflect on who and what informs our thinking. If we notice that our thinking has been influenced by fear-based family members or even our own personal trauma, then it can be useful to ask ourselves, “Is my fear exacerbated by my assumptions about the world? Am I scaring myself? Do I tend to focus on the negative? Do I miss signs of compassion and hope such as the online communities trying to support one another? Is this negative thought consistent with my own experience or is it colored by the views of someone else who had very little hope?”
Once we examine our assumptions, we can take our cues from the field of Positive Psychology, the “scientific study of optimal human functioning [that] aims to discover and promote the factors that allow individuals and communities to thrive,” founded by psychologist Martin Seligman, emphasizing the power of shifting to a more optimistic outlook. Far from being a Pollyanna approach, research shows that individuals who focus on gratitude, look for signs of hope, and help others experience an increased sense of well-being in many cases are more likely to be welcomed into the lives of others.
In addition to looking at our thinking, it is important to pay attention to our actions. It is easy to fall into negative behaviors that undermine our ability to stay positive during stressful times. As a psychotherapist specializing in eating disorders, I have seen many individuals who choose to overindulge in food, alcohol, or other self-destructive (or addictive) behaviors in order to push down feelings of anxiety. For emotional eaters, externally imposed isolation is the perfect excuse to overeat or eat unhealthy food. This can lead to a negative spiral of self-loathing and hopelessness.
Even for those of us without a tendency toward self-destructive behaviors, we must take action to stay in the best possible frame of mind. Though outside opportunities are limited, we can look at what is in our power to control. Namely, how can we best take care of ourselves given our circumstances?
- Consider limiting your exposure to the news. If possible, designate a certain time for news consumption each day — ideally no more than 20 minutes of TV/internet news in the morning and again in the evening, and a maximum of 40 minutes of news in print. Don’t worry about being uninformed — if something big happens, the news will find you.
- While practicing physical distancing, it is essential to maintain healthy social connections through all available channels. (Video chats with family, virtual classes, support groups, synagogue services, and entertainment can help break the isolation.)
- Think about how to be part of the solution. Is there someone you can help? Perhaps there is an elderly relative who needs a phone call or essential grocery shopping? Ask your synagogue for virtual volunteer opportunities
- Exercise. Even if that means doing sit-ups on your bedroom floor, following along with an exercise or yoga video, or dancing in your kitchen to rock ’n’ roll music, it is important to keep those endorphins up.
- Pay attention to right now. What are you doing now? If you find your mind wandering and catastrophizing, try to pull yourself back to the present, and focus on the task at hand. One day at a time, or even one hour at a time. For meditation resources, try mindfullivingsummit.com or calm.com.
- Look for virtual entertainment such as zoo, museum, and theme park tours, or broadwayhd.com, a digital media service for live and recorded theatre performances, currently offering a free trial at press time.
- Start a gratitude list, possibly focusing on gratitude for many of the things taken for granted in the past. Research shows that gratitude is linked to increased well-being and resilience.
This year’s Passover will probably look quite different from usual — whether that means small gatherings of our immediate household or virtual seders with extended family, we can still keep the spirit of the holiday in mind. Possibly our work this year is to celebrate the gift of freedom by not enslaving ourselves to our fears, and holding onto a sense of hope.